Yesterday, I received this invitation from Charlie via email:
Hello to all!
Tomorrow at U.A.A. there will be an event of the proportions that many may never be experienced again with regard to FACIAL HAIR . I will be competeing against some of the finest mountain men, bearded ladies, olde tyme moustaches, and mutton chops this side of the Chugach Mountains! The event is free to watch and will be taking place at the UAA cafeteria in the Campus Center Building and the start time is at 7:30 P.M. for the competetion. I will be there to sign autographs and take pictures with your small children earlier than that, but please keep your clothes on and keep the scissors at home. It is a modest commuter campus after all!
I hope you all can join us for a really great time!
Take care,
Charlie
So Thursday night, I drove Margie into town and we went to observe Charlie compete in the beard contest. This is just how we found him, before his turn to take the stage.
Rex had come to observe, not to participate, but Charlie convinced him to enter. Charlie tried to convince me to enter, too, but I did not. Rex's friend Todd Davy Crocket showed up in his coonskin cap with his beard flowing and he entered, too.
Both Rex and Todd competed in the grizzly category. Contestants start out on the stage but are then invited to come down onto the floor where anyone who wants can step up to observe, stroke, and take pictures of their beards at will.
This lady, Sofia, who would enter the ladies beard competition, took a picture of herself with Rex and Todd.
As he was posing, Rex kept his eyes right on the camera.
A pair of hands compares the beards of Rex and Todd. Rex would survive the first round of elimination, but would not place among the top 3.
There were seven categories in all, including, to my great surprise, a category for ladies. The moment Alyx Shroy walked onto the stage, I knew she was going to win, and she did.
Her beard is made from the hair of a friend who cut it off about a-year-and-a-half ago. Alyx cares for this beard as meticulously as if she had grown it herself and sometimes braids dreadlocks into it.
The last group to compete was Freestyle - Charlie's group. Anything could go in this group and anyone could compete, male or female.
I could see that the competition was tough, yet, when I looked at Charlie and his beard, I felt pretty confident that he could win.
If he did, it would mean Alyx would be one of the those he would have to face off in the championship round.
But I am getting ahead of myself. Charlie had not won anything yet. Soon, he had to submit to the beard-feelers in the crowd.
One of the beard feelers was Alyz, the lady winner. She closely examined the beard of the man who she might possibly have to compete with for the championship.
Sofia popped up to take a picture of herself with Charlie.
Sure enough, Charlie won the blue ribbon for his division.
As the judges took a break, Charlie posed with some of the family members who had come to cheer him on.
Then Charlie stepped back onto the stage along with all the other winners that he would have to compete against for the championship.
One can never know for certain what judges might say, but I saw only person who struck me as having a chance to beat Charlie and that was Alyx.
This is terribly embarrassing for me. The mustachioed lady with her hand in the air above Charlie's head told me she reads this blog, and she will surely read this entry. She told me her name but I had left my iPhone in the car so I did not have it to write in but I memorized it and was certain I would remember it later.
Now I have forgotten it.*
I could not get away with this if I were writing this for the New York Times, but for this blog, I can get away with it. In this blog, I have no boss but me.
Anyway, in the picture, she is doing the crowd test. One by one, she raised her hand over all the contestants as the crowd cheered for their favorite. The judges would have the final say, but it might be kind of hard to go against the crowd.
When she held her hand over Charlie's head, the crowd went nuts. It was clearly the loudest and most enthusiastic cheering so far.
*Update: My boss told me that I could not let such a horrible omission stand, so I hired a stealthy detective at the rate of $21,232 an hour and sent him out into the world to find her name. He succeeded: The mustachioed lady is Sarena Hackenmiller. I hope my expensive, stealthy, detective spelled her name right.
But you know what? The crowd went nuts for the bearded lady, too.
Yet, I am pleased to announce that Charlie won the championship round of the Winterfest Beard Contest and so got crowned.
Charlie and his court - Alyz Shroy, first runner-up and Douglas Renfro, second.
Charlie gave Melanie credit for being his beard-stylist. He won two tickets to the Fur Rendezvous Miners and Trappers Ball. Guess who is going to go with him?
There, he will also compete in the Fur Rendez beard contest.
Before we all left, Margie had to handle Charlie's beard handles for herself.
I then dropped her off at Jacob and Lavina's, so that she could stay for a day or two and do some babysitting.