After warming up the car for a bit, I jumped in and headed for coffee. I had barely gone a 100 yards or so down the road when I spotted a moose standing by the McDaniel's house. Like us, the McDaniels were among the first residents of this subdivision when it was new, nearly 30 years ago.
Back then, perhaps because we all moved in at about the same time just after Charlie Bumpus had cut the new subdivision from semi-wilderness, we in the neighborhood all knew each other and we knew each other's kids. Pretty much everybody got along and looked after each other and their kids and it was a good place to grow kids.
It is not that way today. We who are still here from back then still know each other but for the most part this has become a neighborhood much like you might expect to find in California, where few neighbors know each other by name and everybody tends to live in their own world and at least a few live in paranoia.
I do know this moose, however. I have come upon this moose thousands of times over the past 30 years. It is a moose that always misinterprets things and each time I see it, it attempts to engage me in futile conversations that go nowhere.
So I hoped the moose would not see me, that I could drive by unnoticed.
"Hey, Bill!" the moose dashed my hope with a shout, "do you know whose kid this is?"
"What kid?" I answered, flummoxed, for I could see no kid.
"You blind?" the moose fired back. "This kid right here. The only kid in sight. For half-an-hour now, I've been asking the kid who his parents are, so I can take him home. Damn kid won't say a word."
"That's not a kid," I answered. "It's a lawn ornament."
"You think I'm stupid?" the moose retorted. "I know a kid when I see a kid. Now, whose kid is this?"
I had to get going and I could see that the conversation would be useless.
"Oh... yes... I can see that you are right and I do recognize that kid. That's Alphonso, son of Rudy Guiliani, would-be President and the former Mayor of New York City."
"Okay, thanks! That's all I wanted to know," the moose said. It then turned its attention to the lawn ornament.
"Hey kid - pack a lunch bag of twigs and bark. We're going to New York City! I'm taking you home!"
I took advantage of the distraction and drove away as quickly as I could.
I stopped at Metro, bought a coffee and a cinnamon roll from Elizabeth and drove away. Remember how, just so short a time ago, it was completely dark during coffee break time? Well, look at it now.
I had not been by Grotto Iona for awhile or seen the Mahoney horses, so I thought I would swing by.
As I neared, I saw this school bus passing by the Grotto - A Place of Prayer. The driver did not stop to pray, but I'll bet he wanted to.
"Hey Bill!" the first Mahoney horse that I spotted shouted out at me. "Look at me! I know how to sleep walk! I'm walking in my sleep right now!"
"Pleasant dreams!" I shouted back.
"Hey Bill," the second horse shouted. "I know how to poop in the snow! Look, I just did."
I did not know what to say to that, so I said nothing.
"Hey Bill," this creature shouted out at me. "I've got ten bucks for you if you can tell me what I am, right now! No hestitation! Ten bucks!"
To be quite honest, I have not totally figured this creature out. Sometimes, I think its a mule. Look at the head - there is kind of a donkey shape to that head and mules are half donkey.
But I have known a few mules and they did not look quite like this.
Sometimes I have wondered if it might be some kind of horse bred special for cold climes. Before I made this post, I dropped by Facebook to see if Ron Mancil was there. Ron knows all the Mahoney stock well and I figured he could tell me.
But Ron was not on Facebook.
So I remain unsure.
"C'mon now, Bill!" the creature shouted back. "What am I?"
I had to come up with something, right or wrong.
"You're a creature of God!"
"Yes!" he shouted. "Come and get your ten bucks!"
So I got out of the car and went over. "Climb on my back and we'll go get it!"
So I climbed onto the back of this creature of God. The creature bucked ten times and on the tenth sent me flying nose first into the snow.
"Ha! A Creature of God!" the creature shouted. "Fooled you! I'm Satan's spawn!"
I staggered back to my feet. The final horse turned away from me. "What a dupe!" the horse muttered. "What a dupe! I have nothing to say to you. Nothing at all."
Humiliated, I climbed back into the car and pointed it toward home. Then I decided to stop for a few minutes at the Grotto, to see if I could regain my composure, to see if I could find some peace there.
Even though I am not Catholic and hardly know what to believe at all, everytime that I have ever stopped at the Grotto, even when beset by bitter grief, I have felt a bit of peace there.
This day was no exception.
Coming down Wards, I heard another voice shout out, "Hey Bill!" It was this bull moose, who has lost his antlers and must grow a new set.
"What?" I answered.
"Bethca can't see me!"
"I can too see you!" I countered.
"No you can't."
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't."
I gave up, went home and ate some Kracker Jacks.
I am getting tired of Kracker Jacks.
For four months now, I have been eating nothing but Kracker Jacks; Kracker Jacks everyday. Kracker Jacks for breakfast, Kracker Jacks for lunch, Kracker Jacks for dinner, Kracker Jacks for snacks.
I am tired of Kracker Jacks. And the prizes are nothing like they were when I was a kid.
I thought about getting my rifle and putting some moose on the table, but it was the wrong season for that.
So I tore open another box of Kracker Jacks.
Sure enough, there was a two-deminsional paper moose inside.
When I was a kid, it would have been a plastic moose - in three dimensions.
I tell you - America is going downhill!
I live on Sarah's Way in Wasilla, Alaska - so I know. No joke. I live on Sarah's Way. I am proud to say, though, that my street was named for a very good Sarah - Sarah Bumpus, daughter of the late Charlie Bumpus, a former mayor of Wasilla and builder of this subdivision.
Depending on your monitor, pictures will appear larger and be much more impressive