A blog by Bill Hess

Running Dog Publications

P.O. Box 872383 Wasilla, Alaska 99687

 

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Wasilla

Wasilla is the place where I have lived for the past 29 years - sort of. The house in which my wife and I raised our family sits here, but I have made my rather odd career as a different sort of photojournalist by continually wandering off to other places to photograph people and gather information, which I have then put together in various publications that have served the Alaska Native Eskimo, Indian and Aleut communities.

Although I did not have a great of free time to devote to this rather strange community, named after a Tanaina Athabascan Indian chief who knew Wasilla in the way that I so impossibly long to, I have still documented it regularly over the past quarter-century plus. In the early days, my Wasilla photographs focused mostly upon my children and the events they participated in - baseball, football, figure skating, hockey, frog catching, fire cracker detonation, Fourth of July parade - that sort of thing. 

In 2002, I purchased my first digital camera and then, whenever I was home, I began to photograph Wasilla upon a daily basis, but not in a conventional way. These were grab shots - whatever caught my eye as I took my many long walks or drove through the town, shooting through the car window at people and scenes that appeared and disappeared before I could even focus and compose in the traditional photographic way.

Thus, the Wasilla portion of this blog will be devoted both to the images that I take as I wander about and those that I have taken in the past. Despite the odd, random, nature of the images, I believe they communicate something powerful about this town that I have never seen expressed anywhere else. 

Wasilla is a sprawling community that has been slapped down hodge-podge upon what was so recently wilderness of the most exquisite beauty. In its design, it is deliberately anti-zoned, anti-planned. In the building of Wasilla, the desire to make a buck has trumped aesthetics and all other considerations. This town, built in the midst of exquisite beauty, has largely become an unsightly, unattractive, mess of urban sprawl. Largely because of this, it often seems to me that Wasilla is a community with no sense of community, a town devoid of town soul.

Yet - Wasilla is my home and if I am lucky it will be until I grow old and die. Despite its horrific failings, it is still made of the stuff of any small city: people; moms and dads, grammas and grampas, teens, children, churches, bars, professionals, laborers, soldiers, missionaries, artists, athletes, geniuses, do-gooders, hoodlums, the wealthy, the homeless, the rational and logical, the slightly insane and the wholly insane - and, yes, as is now obvious to the whole world, politicians, too.

So perhaps, if one were to search hard enough, it might just be possible to find a sense of community here, and a town soul. So, using my skills as a photojournalist and a writer, I hope to do just that. If this place has a sense of community, I will find it. If there is a town soul to Wasilla, I will document it. I won't compete with the newspapers. Hell no! But as time and income allow, it will be fun to wander into the places where the folks described above gather, and then put what I find on this blog.

 

by 300...

Anywhere within a 300 mile radius of Wasilla. This encompasses perhaps the most wild, dramatic, gorgeous, beautiful section of land and sea to be found in any comparable space anywhere on Earth. I can never explore it all, but I will do the best that I can, and will here share what I find and experience with you.  

and then some...

Anywhere else in the world that I happen to get to, such as Point Lay, Alaska; Missoula, Montana; Serenki, Chukotka, Russia; or Bangalore, India. Perhaps even Lagos, Nigeria. I have both a desire and scheme to get me there. It is a long shot. We shall see if I succeed.

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Tuesday
Dec272011

Niece Sujitha of India brings a new Thomas the Train into our lives - along with a huge amount of excitement; Jobezilla goes on the rampage

This is Sujitha Ravichandran, who became my niece after the second daughter of my sister Mary Ann married Suji's first cousin, Vivek Iyer. I attended the Bangalore wedding of Vivek and Khena and it was there that I met Suji - and her sister, Soundarya.

As I have written before, Soundarya, or Sandy, as she often liked to be called, and I bonded instantly. Thanks to the wonder of the internet, we kept in near constant communication; I called her Muse and returned to India to be there for her when she married Anil Kumar. After my return back to the US, we again resumed our online communications for another year-and-a-half - until that black day just over 13 months ago when she answered the accidental death of her husband with the intentional death of herself.

Soundarya and Sujtha had been extremely close. Sandy called Suji "Barbie" and Suji called Soundarya, "Soundu." Soundu - such a beautiful, sweet, affectionate nickname!

In times of tragedy, unspeakable heartbreak and bitter grief, one turns to any source of comfort one can find. Without a doubt, we both had others, but Suji and I did turn to each other - and in ways that we could have turned to no others. We made a pact to keep the lines of communication open between us 24 hours a day, seven days a week, all month long, 12 months a year.

I began to sleep with my phone, to ensure that I would not miss her should she call.

We conversed at any hour of the day or night. We shed many tears together, and groped to find answers where answers could not be found. She, a Hindu, and me, a lapsed Mormon Christian, found solace and faith in the spirits of each other.

Had it not been for Suji, I do not know how I would have got through these past 13 months. She has always been there for me, even if weeping, and I for her.

As we communicated, Suji came to better know my family - my family also being her family - and she fell in love with every member. She grew a deep fondness for Margie and the grandsons, Jobe in particular.

Last spring, she left Bangalore for London to be with her fiance, Manoj Biradar, who she plans to marry in a formal Hindu ceremony in March - and I plan to be there.

She was able to get a better paying job in London than any she had ever had in India, and so did Manu. Yet, life is a financial challenge for them, particularly with the wedding coming up.

So I was a bit stunned when she told me that she was wiring a generous cash gift to my bank in Wasilla, as a Christmas present for Margie and me.

It was the first Christmas present that she had ever given, she informed me. She worried that it might not be up to American standards of Christmas, but she wanted to give something that Margie and I could enjoy together - dinner out, perhaps. Something that would bring us joy - and if her gift brought a bit of joy to the family at large, so much the better.

Now I will tell you about Sujitha's gift, and show you how it impacted our Christmas, 2011:

I was a little bit lost as to how to spend that money, but I wanted the gift to encompass more than a dinner or two or three or four for Margie and me. Someday, we will accept the treat of dinner from Sujitha - in person, when we can all sit at the table together, Manoj, too. I wanted this gift to be something that could bring pleasure to the whole Hess family - joy that I could photograph and then share through the photos with her.

Something that my entire family enjoys is... Kalib, Jobe and Lynxton, whether we call them grandsons, sons, or nephews. We all enjoy these boys like crazy.

And Kalib and Jobe enjoy Thomas the Train. I will bet anything that it won't be long before Lynxton does, too. Kalib and Jobe have little wooden Thomas the Train engines and cars, tracks, and other Thomas the Train toys.

Those wooden toys are just right for them. They are rugged and tough. They can be grabbed and thrown, run over, driven off cliffs; they are a perfect fit to be grasped by hands that have yet to develop fine motor skills.

As regular readers know, I am an HO train modeler of sorts. I don't have the kind of elaborate setup that many serious electric train enthusiasts do, but, after I lost my first black cat, Little Guy, I was extremely distraught and since he loved to chase and pounce on electric trains, I built an HO scale electric railroad in his honor at about the seven-foot level on my eight-foot office walls.

I had never seen an HO Thomas train set, but I figured they must exist. To make a long story short, after some searching both online and on the ground, I found a Thomas the Train HO set at the Hobbycraft store in the Dimond Mall. It was priced a little higher than Suji's gift, but not by much. By adding $34.00 of my own, with Margie's full approval, I was able to purchase it.

On Christmas Day, I was the one who handed out the gifts, one by one. I had a plan for Suji's gift. I was going to hold it until near the end. Then I planned to stop, explain how Suji had given a gift of cash and had left it up to me as to what to buy and that I had decided that everyone could get some pleasure out of a Thomas the Train, HO scale.

I would explain my plans to keep it at the house and when the boys came out and wanted to play with it, I would set it up and we would all have fun. I knew that Kalib would want to take it home, but I planned to explain that it was a gift to us all and was too fragile to be played with in the rough style of little boys, especially "Jobezilla," but we would all have a good time with Thomas the HO train here at the house.

Yet, I had barely begun the gift distribution when Jobezilla hurled himself into action, grabbed the paper that I had wrapped Sujitha's gift in and ripped off a large section. Kalib's eyes went wide. "Thomas!" he shouted.

Kalib has not fully grasped the spirit of Christmas giving. His strategy this year was to refuse to open any gift until someone else started to open it and then if he saw something he liked, to claim it for himself. Thus, he had claimed a very cute stuffed dog meant for Lynxton and then when he had to yield it to his baby brother had wept bitterly.

Now, before I could begin my little speech about his Aunt Sujitha, her generous gift and my master plan, Kalib ripped off the remainder of the wrapping paper.

I now tried to give my speech, but it fell on preoccupied ears. In Kalib's mind, the HO Thomas the Train was now his. It was not a gift from the aunt he had never met and could not visualize; it was not a gift from grandpa. It had been bestowed upon him by natural order of the universe. It was his and no one else's.

Thus, he grew very angry when I returned Thomas, still in the unopened box, to my office for safe keeping until after we all shared Christmas dinner together.

After dinner, I set the train up, then invited Kalib over. He was thrilled and squealed mightily. Jobezilla was taking a nap. In fact, Jobezilla had napped right through Christmas dinner.

Jobezilla soon woke from his nap. His mom brought him to us, to see what kind of havoc and destruction he might wreak.

At first, Jobezilla was too tired and groggy to wreak any kind of destruction. Look closely and you will see his milk bottle and his cute little wrecking toes on Jacob's lap as Kalib lovingly watches Thomas pull his load around the track.

Jobezilla knew that he had a mission to accomplish, so he worked himself into position to better study the layout of his next destruction project. His dad tried to keep an eye on him and his big brother at the same time. In his enthusiasm to try and run the train and handle it, too, Kalib was prone to exercise his own moments of Kalibzilla.

Oh, did Kalib love this Thomas train! Before setting up the track, I had tested the Thomas Train on my own office railroad tracks. Lavina had come in to witness. She had wondered if maybe Kalib would lose interest after five minutes or so of watching it do nothing but go round the track.

Perhaps he would have, had Thomas stayed on the track seven feet above the floor.

According to the metadata, I took my first photo of Thomas in action seconds before 5:45 PM and my last seconds before 9:12 PM. Not for one second would Kalib's interest lapse. And, after 3.5 hours, in no way would he be ready to stop and go home.

When Jobezilla finally struck, he struck fast, without warning. I was not quick enough to photograph the moment - just the aftermath.

As his dad tried to restrain a screamining Jobezilla, Charlie came over to help put the train back together. Kalib wanted to do it all himself, but, as earlier noted, his motor skills are not there yet. There was a very real danger that his repair job could do more damage than the crash itself - which, fortunately, appeared to do no damage whatsoever.

Jobezilla quickly broke through his restraints and jerked Thomas off the track once again. I missed the more dramatic shots of the action that followed this capture. I was too busy trying to save Thomas and his cars from total destruction.

Charlie then put the train back together again as Jobezilla fought to find his way back to continue his rampage of destruction.

Peace was restored. Thomas the Train found himself with time to safely round the track, again and again. This should not be interpreted to mean that Jobezilla had been put out of action...

...No... Jobezilla had turned his attention elsewhere. Jobezilla now drove trains across his grandmother's head, who, with great courage, dedication and a strong sense of genetic survival, continued to feed her youngest grandson with his mother's own milk.

Then, as Kalib labored to put the windmill so necessary to keep water supplied to Thomas's steam engine to work, Jobezilla suddenly charged onto the railroad. Thomas the Train was about to experience a head-toe-on collision.

Yet, the derailed train was soon re-railed again. Kalib now began to pick up some train engineer skills.

It was a beautiful thing to see - Thomas the Train, steaming past the windmill that provides the water for his steam.

But where was Jobezilla?

It all seemed just too safe.

Oh, the horror! The horror!

There he is! Jobezilla! Or at least his thumb, toppling the windmill right onto Thomas! I feared this might have inflicted some lasting damage.

But it didn't. These HO Thomases are truly more rugged than I would have imagined. Soon, Thomas the Train was righted and running again. Then Kalib saw Jobezilla's bare feet threatening. Kalib shot his little hands out to grab the train.

"No, Jobe! No, Jobe!" Kalib screamed.

Naturally, his protective hands derailed Thomas, but Thomas survived.

And then, using the toes of his left foot, Jobezilla knocked Thomas askew, but Thomas did not stop. His wheels half on the tracks and half off, Thomas steamed past by Jobezilla's right foot, hoping not to get toe-clobbered again.

Jobezilla's dad pulled him off to a "safe" distance. With Jobezilla out of the way, Kalib gazed upon Thomas with love and adoration.

Jobezilla broke free again. Now, with great finesse, he derailed the trailing cars with a mere touch of the extended big toe.

Kalib again takes over the engineer's spot. Whenever he would goof up and his dad would try to take over, he would shout, "No, Daddy! No!"

"No Daddy, no Daddy, no Daddy, No! No, no Daddy, no!"

Well, look at this! It's Thomas, cruising fast and unbothered.

Oops... Jobezilla returned with a Thomas of his own, not an HO Thomas but a big, floor-running, Thomas. As Kalib shouted, "No, Jobe, No Jobe!" Jobezilla thrust the big Thomas onto the track in front of the speeding HO Thomas, causing a head-on collision.

It was horrible!

Just horrible, I tell you!

Oh, the enginamity!

Somehow, a revived Thomas squeaked through between the toes of a towering Jobezilla.

This time, the Jobezilla toes won. Thomas the Train went down again. This time, it was Melanie who came to help right the Thomas Train.

I told you the whole family would enjoy this gift!

Knowing that Thomas needed to cool off, Kalib improvised and turned the windmill into a fan.

It was a grand evening - the most fun evening of all to take place in this house in a very long time.

But it had to end. Kalib did not want it to. He wanted this evening to last forever.

He refused to leave and go get his coat on. There was nothing to do but for me to disassemble the railroad and put Thomas and his cars back into the box.

I began to do so. I tried to get Kalib to see if he could show me which cars fit in which impressions in the packaging, but he refused to be ameliorated.

"No! No!," he screamed. "I want Thomas! No, no, no!"

I packaged Thomas up, picked up the box and began to carry it back to my office.

"Bye, bye, Thomas..." I heard Kalib weeping and sobbing behind me. "Bye, bye, Thomas!" Oh, it was a sad, sad, sound!

His parents got him bundled up and his dad carried him to the car. He screamed all the way. "No! No! Thomas! I want Thomas!"

Finally, he was buckled up into his car seat. I opened the door and went to give him a hug. "No! No!" he screamed, shaking his head violently. I had never seen him so angry - and he was angry at me. He did not see me as the one who had brought the HO Thomas into his life, with crucial help from his aunt Sujitha from India who had made a big sacrifice that he had no appreciation for or understanding of. 

He did not see me as the one who would keep Thomas safe until he can return to play with him again. He saw me only as the meanie bully who had now taken Thomas away from him.

To be quite honest, even though he was only about two hours short of his fourth birthday, this offended me a bit.

"This Thomas isn't for you alone, it is for the family!" I spoke sharply. "If it wasn't for your Aunt Suji and me, this Thomas would never have been here for you to play with at all! And if this how you are going to act, if you are going to be mean to me when I have been nice to you, then next time you come back, I won't even get Thomas out. You won't be able to play with Thomas at all."

I knew that in my own anger I was speaking over Kalib, I knew he would not grasp my meaning at all.

But suddenly, he quit screaming. He went silent. He looked at me with a surprising expression of having suddenly understood. He lifted up his arms and extended them toward me. I leaned in. He gave me a hug. I gave him a hug.

In short order, I knew, this would all come together. Kalib would soon know that when he came out, we would get Thomas out. When he left, we would put Thomas back.

Even so, he cried all the way home.

And the next afternoon, when I showed up at his house for his birthday party, he was not very happy with me. But he was happy with his wooden Thomas trains - as you will soon see.

Yes, it will all come together. Thomas will bring much joy to Kalib - and to Jobezilla, and to Jobe, once Jobezilla morphs into Jobe once again. 

And joy to Lynxton; joy to Dad Jacob and Mom Lavina. Joy to Margie. Joy o aunts and uncles. To me.

Thank you, Niece Sujitha.

I guarantee you, had you not wired your generous gift that you could so truly have used across the ocean, there would be no Thomas the Train HO in this house. It was your love that made all this happen. Someday, Kalib will understand this. He will love you, as I do, as do we all - we, your family in Alaska.

This goes for you, too, Gane, brother to Sujitha, brother to Soundarya. I know you will be reading this as well. Please pass our love on to your parents.

 

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Monday
Dec262011

Our Christmas, 2011, part 1.5: we gather, we give and receive gifts, we eat

I took this picture the day before Christmas, as Margie and I were finishing our shopping. On Friday, the 23rd, we had heard from Rex that Cortney would like a kuspik for Christmas. So we stopped at the Alaska Native Medical Center gift shop, but the selection was small and the sizes too big.

After we got home, I called Arlene Warrior to see if she might know someone locally who had either kuspiks or atikluks for sale. Kuspiks and atikluks are pretty much the same thing, but they tend to be kuspiks if made by the Yup'ik peoples of southwest Alaska and atikluks if made by the Iñupiat of northern Alaska.

Arlene told me she had a couple that were nearly finished, that she would be home alone Saturday and would complete them.

I did not wish to put her out on the day before Christmas, but she said this would give her something to do.

So Saturday afternoon we went over to the warrior house, where I saw the BB gun I had as a child hanging on the wall, and she had two atikluks ready to go. Margie liked the darker one and I liked this one - with the blueberry-raspberry print.

Arlene would not let us pay anything, because she says she doesn't know how to charge and so only sews for family and good friends.

I would have tried to find a way to pay, but I had just shot the wedding of her daughter and I don't know how to charge, either.

Now, it is Christmas morning. Santa was still in the house. We were all very surprised at how tiny he was. We wondered what had happened to his white hair and beard.

As we waited to open gifts and eat, Jobe took a stroll in the backyard.

So did Kalib. I still find it hard to believe he is growing so big and handsome.

Four dogs had gathered with us. Here are three of them: Rex and Cortney's new pup Akiak, Cortney's Kingston and Lavina and Jacob's Muzzy, who is well known on this blog.

Lisa and Bryce arrived bearing gifts - even as it is written in holy scripture that wise men, shepherds, noble men and others arrived bearing gifts to a tiny baby born in a manger in Bethleham over 2000 years ago. So we gave gifts on this Christmas Day, because they gave gifts way back then.

Jobe opened one of his many presents with his feet. It was a sled.

Margie used her hands to open this gift from Lavina, which turned out to be a beautiful basket that she had brought on the trip back to Arizona that Margie and I missed when she went into the hospital for emergency surgery and I was in some of the worst stages of my continuing battle against shingles.

Jobe jumped right in.

Rex gave this baseball bat to Lisa and Bryce. Rex had once seriously hoped to go pro, and this is one of the bats he had used to knock the ball around.

Charlie received some beard socks.

I am not sure who received this book, Charlie or Bryce, but something in it had them both amused.

I was curious, so I had them show me... oh, no! What kind of book is this? And why didn't my mother give me some of this medicine?

The raspberry-blueberry atikluk had a cut more to Melanie's fit than Lisa's, so Melanie got it. Lisa wants one now.

Cortney in her new Arlene Warrior atikluk.

Margie offered the blessing.

And then we ate... and ate... and ate...

I was too busy eating to take pictures of the food items, but Jake's squash did not come out of the oven until I thought I had finished and had left the table.

Jake came up with this recipe of squashed stuffed with blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, walnuts, pinons or whatever he feels like putting in it after reading about how the Wampanoag brought squash cooked with berries and nuts to the first Thanksgiving they shared with the Pilgrims.

It is the best squash dish that I have ever eaten, bar none.

There were many more gifts, of course. I will not try to recount them all.

One came courtesy of our niece/cousin/aunty Sujitha. After dinner, I assembled that gift and then it became the center of joyous and excited attention for hours.

That gift, and all that followed in its wake, will be the subject of part 2. I probably won't post it until mid to late Tuesday afternoon.

 

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Monday
Dec122011

The party begins with a buttery shout, progresses to flaming fire, and ends in displays of affection

The party began with a shout,"Pizzles stop licking the butter!" It was Liza who shouted, instantly causing all heads to turn to look at Pizzles as he licked the butter.

Shortly thereafter, Rex fed a piece of buttered bread to Cortney. Nobody shouted, "Cortney stop licking the butter!" 

No, this indignity was saved for Pizzles alone. True, Cortney was eating bread that the butter was spread on, yet, however one consumes the butter, in one way or another, one must still lick the butter.

Afterward, poor Pizzles begged for a piece of the bread spread with butter so that he might lick that butter too, but nobody would give him one. I am proud to say that, a little bit later, when I was eating my salmon, I gave three pieces to Pizzles. They were tiny pieces, yes, but he is a cat. He is a tiny creature. Tiny pieces for a tiny creature - just right and quite generous of me, because I wanted to eat all of the salmon - my piece and everybody else's, too.

I should note that Lisa took a little heat for calling Epizzles, Pizzles, rather than the nickname that has become the moniker of preference for him: "Poof."

This is because awhile back, Pizzles, who had always been an occasionally well-mannered cat, started to pee outside his litter box.

Poor Melanie and Charlie - they tried all the known remedies to convince a cat to restrict his peeing to the litter box, but nothing worked.

Then, they suddenly realized, "Pizzles.... Pizzzz..." Kind of sounds like the whiz of a cat peeing, pisssss. It occurred to them that everytime Epizzles heard them call him "Pizzles," he could be misinterpreting his name as an inducement to pee wherever he wanted.

So Melanie and Charlie quit calling him "Pizzles" and stuck to his other nickname, "Poof."

And sure enough, Poof quit peeing in the house.

I understand that he started to blow lots of stinkers, however. Nobody told me this, but it only makes sense.

Poof was well-mannered on this night, however, and didn't poof often, because he wanted some of my salmon and he innately understood that I do not share my salmon with Poof cats who are poofing all about.

Pretty soon, Charlie appeared with Lisa's surprise birthday cake. Her birthday was actually November 22 and we had all planned to celebrate together as a family down on my wife and children's ancestral White Mountain Apache reservation in Arizona, but then Margie had to go to the hospital for emergency surgery.

I stayed home with her, of course, but given the fact that I was in the hard, early stages of the shingles that still bother me, if to a lesser but still sometimes very aggravating degree, traveling would have been pretty hard on me, anyway.

So we had a late celebration.

It has, of course, become a tradition that no matter whose birthday it is, Kalib, joined now by Jobe, with Lynxton on deck, helps to blow out the candles. But Kalib and Jobe are in Phoenix tonight. Tomorrow, they will board a plane and fly back to Alaska.

So Lisa had to blow her candles out all by herself. Without the benefit of the assistance of little people, this process, which normally takes at least 10 or 15 seconds, happened just like that. So I did not get to snap a bunch of frames, but had to settle for just one.

This was a wild berry cheesecake, by the way, made by Melanie with assistance from Charlie - I am pretty sure it was the best cheesecake I ever tasted.

Afterwards, the glow of young love brightened up the otherwise very dim room: Lisa and Bryce.

Melanie and Charlie.

Rex and Cortney... and a reminder of young love from a different time, which feels like maybe last week to me... the young love that made all of this evening's display of young love possible... Margie.

 

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Friday
Nov182011

A rumbling train causes Margie to sit right up in her hospital bed

Jobe and Kalib came to the hospital last night to visit their grandma. They did not quite know what to think of her hospital room and were a little hesitant to enter.

But enter they did. Kalib greatly loves his grandma and immediately began to tell her about a great adventure in his life. It had something to do with trains - and in particular, a train named Thomas.

Holy cow! What is that in Kalib's hands? Could it be a train? Could it be... Thomas the train?

Practically the whole family was there - except for Caleb, who had to stay home and go to his regular night shift and Lisa, who had spent some time hanging out here earlier in the day.

All present were very curious to see what Kalib would do with the train that he held in his hands.

Why, Kalib put the train on the table in front of his grandma, found a tunnel, and drove that train right through it and to the edge of a cliff!

Astute readers will notice that Jobe also holds a train engine - that's Percy - Percy the train. As we were all talking about Percy the train, the door opened and in walked my friend... Percy! Percy Aiken from Barrow, who had come down to be with his brother Earl, who is intensive care.

I know many people are wishing the best and praying for Margie and me, but Earl needs prayers and good thoughts much more than we do.

I went down to the ICU unit to see Earl and there I also saw some friends from Point Hope. Caroline Cannon who was there to support her son, Leroy Oenga, who also has a great need for good wishes and prayers.

This morning, I slept very late. I've been doing that a lot lately. When I got up, I knew that I should fix myself oatmeal, but, solitary individual though I am, I wanted to go someplace where I could sit in solitude among people, eat, sip a bit of coffee and be waited on.

So I headed off to breakfast.

Here is a lone diner, at Abby's. We were both alone, him and I.

The truth is, I forgot my camera when I to breakfast this morning, so these last two pictures are actually from Wednesday morning, before Margie came home from Anchorage, before her gall bladder struck her down. These pictures are standins for today, although today I went to Mat-Su Family.

They are now planning to subject Margie to two surgeries - the first one to remove her gall stones, and the second one to remove her gall bladder. I do not understand this. I do not know why they don't just take the gall bladder out with the stones in it and get it done at one time.

There must be a good reason, but I do not yet know what it is.

They are hoping to do the first surgery tomorrow and then the next the day or two after.

They would do the first today, but they still need to bring down her level of infection.

We are scheduled to depart for Arizona Monday morning on Alaska Airlines.

We are not going to make it. In Arizona, Lynxton will be introduced to his bigger Apache and Navajo family and we were greatly looking forward to being there for it.

I was going to do some heavy blogging.

Now it will go unblogged. It will be documented, though. Lavina will be posting on Facebook.

 

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Thursday
Sep222011

Jobe's final moments as the "baby of the family"; a lynx gives a most significant gift to my new grandson

Here he is, Jobe, in his final day as the baby of the family. For one-and-a-half years he has occupied this spot. Throughout this time, he has known nothing but total adoration from virtually every adult that he has ever met. At home and elsewhere, as the cutest and youngest person in the group, he has been the center of attention and that attention has all been good attention.

Jobe thinks that is just how life is - something that takes at the center of affection, attention and adoration.

While I am confident that much affection, attention and adoration will continue to come his way, an event is about to take place that will soon remove him as the central focus point of adoration, affection and attention. Another cute person will soon occupy that cherished but briefly held spot.

At the very moment this picture was taken, his mother was in the hospital in labor and had been for over seven hours. I had gone into town to help Margie take care of Jobe and his brother until his new sibling could be born. Margie and I have just picked the two of them up from daycare. We will walk home with them, as only a few hundred yards separate their daycare center from their house.

Before we reach the house, we stop at the park, where Kalib and his grandma played on the teeter totter. Very recently, Kalib and his mother were walking down the path in the space between the first picture and this one, when Kalib stopped to point out that he had just spotted what he called a "kitty." 

He wanted to pet the kitty.

Lavina looked and was shocked to see a lynx standing about 20 feet away. The lynx hissed at them and then dashed into the trees.

Anchorage is our big city. This is the kind of city Anchorage is.

Melanie had joined us. She watched as Kalib climbed a rope ladder.

Jobe slid down the slide.

At the house, Rex and Kalib played with toy trains as we all waited for the call that would tell us it was time to head to the hospital.

Eventually, my effervescent, ever pleasant, good-natured little grandson grew tired and irritable. It was time for bed. Margie gave him a bath and, with help from Lisa, I trundled him into his jammies. He resisted all the way.

Margie took him into the bed where he usually sleeps with his parents. She would spend the night with him there, beneath the photo of one of his parents' wedding kisses.

Rex left with his girlfriend Courtney and her mother Janet. I returned to the living room to wait for that call with Lisa, Melanie and Charlie. Martigny was there, too, coming toward me from Lisa, who adores all cats.

As we visited at the kitchen table, Melanie and Charlie pondered a grapefruit. We all hoped for a girl. In theory, if this baby were not a girl, then this would end our chance at getting a granddaughter and a niece from Lavina and Jacob as they plan to stop at three.

After a few hours, it began to appear that the big event would not happen for awhile.

Everybody went home, leaving Margie and me alone with Kalib and Jobe.

I slept on the couch, but I didn't sleep good. I was still awake at 1:30. After I finally fell asleep, I woke often, with strange dreams and visions playing in my head. The details have gone soft, but the feelings remain.

I was a bit worried. Lavina had gone into the hospital at about 10:00 AM, after her water broke. At about 10:00 PM, her contractions had suddenly stopped. A womb without water is a womb that cannot long be lived in. This baby needed to get born.

At 5:30, I awoke for what I knew was for good.

I went into the master bedroom and laid down on the bed with the sleeping Margie and the sleeping Jobe. Soon, I got a text from Lavina. We then spent some time texting back and forth. As she always is, she was being brave and tough and pleasant, but she did confide that she did not know why it was happening this way, and said she was almost at a breaking point.

If the baby did not get out of the womb within 24 hours of the water break, then she would likely be facing a C-section.

Still, she inquired with concern about Margie, who had spent a couple of days not feeling well, and she gave me instructions on getting the boys to daycare in time for breakfast once they awoke. After we had accomplished that, she wanted us to come and visit.

After we dropped the boys off, Margie and I headed over. The delivery room had been darkened. Quiet - except for the sound of the baby's heartbeat, broadcast and amplified through the monitor, mixed with the sounds of pain and hard breathing that Lavina would make every time a contraction would hit - yes, she was having contractions again - about two minutes apart.

The doctor moved the C-section time from 10:00 AM to 12:00 noon - but if that baby was not out or coming out at noon, then it would be a C-section delivery. Despite the contractions, Lavina did not feel that vital urge to push.

The day before, I had dropped my Canon 5D Mark II off at the repair shop to get the sensor cleaned before I left for New York. I had only my Canon 1Ds MIII with only one lens, a wide angle. It is the most expensive camera that I ever bought but it is also a big, bulky tank-like thing and it clicks loudly.

It does not do nearly as well in low light as the 5D. I decided not to worry about pictures until the baby was born, because I did not want to disrupt the room with loud, clicking, shutter noises. So I sat down and made myself quiet, but I did take this frame. This is Lavina's good friend Natalie, Maid of Honor at her wedding. Nat has assited Lavina with the births of all her baby's.

Nat knows how to massage her aches and pains, how to help keep her spirits up. She is quiet and unobtrusive almost to the point of invisibility, but she is there and Lavina knows it.

Jacob, too. He is there. Lavina knows it.

Soon, the clock passed 11:30. No baby. Still no urge to push. The C-section began to appear inevitable.

I believe it was already a few minutes past 11:40 when Lavina got a sudden and painful urge to push - and she let us know it. The attendant nurse had stepped out for a minute. Lavina's doctor was on another floor. The nurse was summoned., appeared almost instantly, then summoned other nurses and the doctor. In just a moment, the other nurses had joined her. The doctor headed for the elevator, but something apparently happened with that elevator that slowed her descent.

The nurses moved with amazing rapidity and intensity, moving apparatus here, there, adjusting the birth light. They knew this baby was coming - fast. They could not wait for the elevator to bring the doctor. They had to act - now.

I kept my vision discretely turned away from the spot of birth. Suddenly, I heard a tiny but wonderfully strong voice cry out in pain and shock.

Then I was crying; suddenly, I was laughing; laughing and crying. Suddenly, there was a baby in front of me; crying out loud, the blood of new life upon it. My tears blurred my vision, my laughter unsteadied my hand; I took the picture, anyway.

Who is this nurse that delivered my third grandson into this world, as his doctor was trapped elsewhere by an elevator?

I don't recall seeing her before this event happened, nor do I recall seeing her after my new grandson was safely delivered and cleaned up.

Whoever you are, nurse, I thank you. With all my heart and soul, I thank you.

You have my eternal gratitude - and the gratitude of everyone in this family.

Grandson # 3 was born at 11:47 AM - after his mom had been in labor for approximately 26 hours.

And here I am, still complaining about how exhausted I am.

He was a couple of weeks early and weighed five pounds, 13 ounces and was 18.5 inches long.

Although we did not know, we had all been hoping for a girl. Jacob and Lavina had a number of girl's names lined up, but were short on boy's names.

It would be awhile before grandson #3 would get his name.

Mother, father and baby.

Soon, Rex, who had been working on the construction of another part of Providence Hospital, joined us.

Everyone, including me, took turns holding our new grandson. Here he is, with his grandma. She just met him, yet, already, she loves him as dearly as she loves anyone who ever lived.

He has a name now:

Lynxton Dischinn'd Hess.

Lynxton - in honor of the lynx who surprised his mother shortly before he was born.

Dischinn'd - the name of the White Mountain Apache clan that his grandmother, father and all his aunts and uncles belong too.

It is the way of both the Apache and Navajo to go with their mom's clan and tribe, so Lynxton will be of the Lo'kah, and will be enrolled in the great Navajo Nation - home of a major branch of the Dene, whose numbers reach into northern Canada and Interior Alaska.

Apaches are also of the larger Dene, but they call themselves, "N'dee."

Navajo, Apache, Athabascan - these are all names placed upon them by other people; just as "Eskimo" was placed upon the Iñupiat and their other Inuit relatives.

Soon, a medical technician came in to do a blood draw. Lavina could not bear to see the flesh of her son get poked, nor to hear the sound of him crying out in pain, so she plugged her ears, closed her eyes and pulled the sheet over her face.

Little Lynxton didn't cry much at all - a short little blast with the first poke, none that I remember with the subsequent pokes.

Jacob feels the tiny body of his new son...

...then checks out his tiny hand...

...and then his tiny feet.

Dad is pleased.

Margie and I then returned to Jacob and Lavina's house at somewhere between 2:00 and 3:00 PM, exhausted, ready to nap.

Margie lay down to sleep on the short arm of the "L" shaped couch. Above her hung a picture that I had taken of Kalib on the first day of his life, alongside the Apache cradleboard his Aunt LeeAnn had made for him. Lynxton will be carried in a Navajo cradleboard, made by his Aunt Cori.

You will see pictures of it in the future.

I lay down on the long arm, but, exhaused though I was, I could not go to sleep.

So I got up, went outside, sat in the car and listened to the radio - first, Terri Gross on Fresh Air, followed by All Things Considered.

I wish I could fall asleep and stay asleep the way Margie can. I think my life would be a lot easier then. I think I would accomplish more and do better work. I might even be able to exercise some business sense. Perhaps we would not be in the continual jam that we always are... if only I knew how to sleep.

To be quite honest with you, given this continual blur of exhaustion that I live in, I don't know how I accomplish anything at all.

At 4:20 PM, I headed toward the camera shop to pick up the 5D. On the way back, I stopped at daycare to get Kalib and Jobe.

I saw Jobe first, in the playground on the other side of the fence. He saw me and came running to the fence.

His life had just undergone a change of gigantic significance, but he had no idea of it.

Yet, when I look at this picture, I almost think that, somehow, even if he did not know, he had a sense of it.

He had been living with a pregnant mother for almost nine months. He probably picked up more than we might think.

Little people are smart.

Jobe is very smart.

I picked up Margie and the four of us went to the hospital, where Lavina had been moved from the delivery room on the first floor to a room on the fourth.

Jobe and Kalib got their first look at their new brother.

Lavina then handed the not-yet named Lynxton to his Aunt Melanie, and took both of her other babies into her arms.

Then each got some alone time with their mom.

Lisa was there, too.She had held him before we arrived, but I did not get to witness it.

After Lisa got up, Kalib came over. At first, he refused to look at or further acknowledge his new brother.

Then his dad coaxed him to come and give a touch. He seemed to like it.

Jobe, however, had taken a look and it seemed that was enough for him. He was brought over, but no one could convince him to look at or acknowledge his little brother.

When his dad brought his brother close, Jobe tried to push him away. I am not worried, though. It is hard to give up a position so sweet as baby of the family. Kalib did not want to yield that position to Jobe, but he did. And Kalib loves Jobe.

He does experience some natural sibling rivalry and jealousy, but nothing that strikes me as serious.

I am confident Jobe will love his younger brother.

Still, I do worry a bit about his position as the middle brother.

His Uncle Caleb was the middle brother in our family, between Jacob and Rex, and often found it a tough place to be.

Here he is, our third grandson, named for the lynx that suprised his mother: Lynxton Dischinn'd Hess.

I don't know what time I drove home. Seven PM? Approaching 8:00?

I was exhausted, wonderfully happy and yet painfully sad. Wonderfully happy for the obvious reason; painfully sad because I am headed to New York City tomorrow. I have been greatly looking forward to that trip and still am, but suddenly it has become the event that is going to prevent me from seeing my new grandson again until sometime in early October - and then only briefly because I must go north almost immediately afterward.

I do not know how long I will be gone then - perhaps a week, perhaps a month.

My little grandson will grow rapidly in my absence. He will change significantly - and I will miss it.

This knowledge left me feeling down - made me wonder if maybe it is time for me to forsake my wild, wandering, ways, settle down and devote myself to my grandchildren.

Many people my age have retired, many will retire within just a few years of the age I now am.

I ran into one of my retired friends at Walmart the other day. He had worked fulltime for what over the years has been my biggest client. He is three years older than me. He looked happy and fit, relaxed; he told me how great it was to be retired, how he could now afford to run his own bed and breakfast business and soon planned to start a furniture shop with his sons. He was really enjoying his grandchildren.

It didn't really matter if his businesses made money; he had enough to live on.

But I can't retire. For one, I have been a lousy businessman and have no means to retire. Furthermore, I have never wanted to reitre. I have too much work left to do.

Yet, a huge amount of that work could be done right here, at my house, in Wasilla, less than an hour's drive from my grandchildren.

But that ain't gonna to happen. I can't afford to stay home. And at my core, as placid as I may appear on the surface, I churn in perpetual restlessness and wanderlust.

One day, I will quit wandering. On that day, or perhaps the next, I hope someone pitches me into the creamatorium and then casts my ash to the wind.

But maybe I am wrong in this long-held notion.

I missed so much of my children's growing up. Maybe I should be there for my grandchildren.

Maybe... maybe... nah... can't happen... well, maybe... but if so, how?

 

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I leave for New York City early tomorrow (Friday) morning, so I will not post again prior to Saturday, possibly even later.