I pedal my bike to Taco Bell and back; along the way, I see many amazing sights, including a polar bear that passed by
Saturday, October 17, 2009 at 4:03AM ;)
I got up this morning, went online, checked my bank balance and saw that it was $79.85. So I decided that I might as well go to Taco Bell for lunch. Lavina had driven off to Anchorage in the red Escape to get an ultrasound of our new grandchild. Margie and Kalib went with her. I needed exercise, so I pedaled my bike the four-and-a-half miles to Taco Bell.
Along the way, near the west edge of Wasilla Lake, I saw this guy carrying the front wheel of a bike. He studied me with great suspicion. "Hello," I said. He said nothing. So much for The Brotherhood of the Bikers.
I should get a check next week. Hopefully early.
My whole career has been like this. I would not advise anybody to be a freelance photographer/writer, unless you have no choice, like me, because that is just what you are and nothing can be done about it.
In that case, I hope you have more business sense than I do. I have been in business for myself for over a quarter of a century and I haven't learned a damn thing about business.
I wonder how it is that I have lasted so long? Raised a family? Supported how many cats, how many dogs, how many schools of tropical fish? Most freelance photographers don't last long at all and those who do tend to have business sense that I lack and a willingness to do work of a nature that I won't do for any fee - if you try to hire me to do that kind work my mind goes foggy and I freeze up inside.
It's not because I lack the talent.
It's something else, something that I feel, and I can't get past it.
And now I ride around on a bicycle, shooting blurry, pocket-camera pictures and I put them in a blog that costs me $8.00 a month to maintain and grosses me not one cent, distracts me from tasks that could put money in my pocket, and all the time I somehow think that prosperity will yet come to me.
Someday, perhaps soon, the realities that I have managed to avoid for nearly three decades will explode upon me and wipe me out. That would be okay, if I could find a warm place with power and internet where I could sit down, put my books together, and blog.
I don't think Margie would be very happy about it, though. She's been through a great deal, to stand by her ever dreaming, roving, restless, husband who does not know how to make money. She's done it without complaint. She does not deserve to go through something like that, too.
Otherwise, I don't think I would care at all, as long as I could work on my books, do my blog and find a few dollars to go to Taco Bell, now and then.
But here's the thing: at all points in my career, whenever it has appeared that I am absolutely done for, something has materialized to keep me going - and it has always been something that I like to do. I have taken some enormous risks, but something has always happened.
Will I be saved once again? We will see.
;)
Isn' this ridiculous? Just awhile ago, these mountains were bright, white, and snowy and they were supposed to do nothing but get snowier and snowier and stay that way into next summer. When we first moved up here, national cross country ski teams would come up from the Lower 48 every October to train at Hatcher Pass, because, they said, it was the one cross country ski area in the country where good, deep, snow was assured this time of year.
But look at it!!!
This, by the way, is the view from the seat of my bicycle as I pedal past Wasilla Lake. If it looks to you like the picture was taken near sundown, no, this is what noon-hour light looks like around here this time of year. This "sunset at noon" look will intensify over the next couple of months.
;)
And here I am, pedaling into Taco Bell.
;)
Two of the strangers with whom I ate lunch.
;)
Just as this worker stepped out for a smoke break, I climbed onto my bike and began to pedal away. "Wow!" she exclaimed, "this shopping cart sure traveled far!" Target is maybe 200 yards from Taco Bell.
Many amazing things happen in this town.
;)
As I pedaled past McDonald's, I was pretty impressed to read the sign and learn that "the world's best crew works here."
There are hundreds of millions of crews on this earth, perhaps even a billion or more. Why would the best one in the world choose to work at McDonald's?
;)
I did not even stop at the Post Office, but kept going. This guy stepped in front of me as I pedaled toward the corner. If we had collided, it would have been okay, because we could have went straight in to see the chiropractor.
;)
Sometimes, you see an excellent photo in front of you, but you just can't get it, no matter how hard you try. This is an example. I had just turned off Wasilla's Main Street, which is not at all what a certain rouge-clad rogue has cracked it up to be, and was pedaling toward Lucille Street when suddenly I became aware that a polar bear had just rolled by me. Yes - a polar bear that had once roamed the Arctic ice but was now stuffed and lying in a pallet on a flat wagon towed by a pickup truck.
I had put my pocket camera back into my pocket and by the time I could pull it out again, the polar bear had gone too far past for me to get any kind of picture. Even though I knew I could not catch the truck, I began to pedal my bike as fast as I could. Way up ahead, the light turned red. The pickup truck stopped. There was so much distance between us that I knew that I could not get to it before the light turned green again, but if a polar bear can roll past you, something else might happen to delay its progress, so I pedaled like I was Lance Armstrong.
As the distance between me and the polar bear closed, I began to think that I had a chance - but then, while I was still out of range for a good picture, the light turned green. The truck took off. Knowing it was hopeless but determined to try anyway, I raised my camera and, still pedaling as hard as I could, shot this frame. Then the polar bear was gone. If you know what you are looking for, you can bearly make it out, wrapped in the orange pad.
I could have made such a good picture, if only that light had stayed red for 15 more seconds. Even 10. I think with even just five more seconds, I could have got something.
;)
As I neared home, I passed this guy jogging with his dog. "Now you decide to run!" he shouted at the dog, immediately after I shot this frame with my pocket camera.
;)
Later, Margie got home and picked me up for coffee. It was nice to have her drive - nice that she could drive. We passed this lady and this little boy. If I had saw them sooner, I would have rolled the window down, but we came up over a rise and I had to turn on my pocket camera and work fast, just to get a chance to shoot one frame through the window as Margie shot past. I decided to go for impressionism.
It was extremely difficult, and it wasn't a polar bear, but I did it.
And if I had been driving, it was one of those situations where I would have just sighed, because there would have been no way I could have got the image.
Sometimes, I wish Margie would drive all the time, so that I could concentrate on taking pictures. But she seldom wants to.
I expect to win a Pulitzer for this picture.
I don't see why not. It is the best picture anybody has ever taken on this earth, in this spot, at this time and I'm the one who did it.
;)
When we got home, Lavina and Kalib were about to leave on a walk.
As for cocoon mode, I am just giving up.
I will still try to restrain myself a bit, to limit my blogging time a little more than I did tonight, to do enough just to hold the cyberspace until the day comes that I can really go at this blog the way I want to - but I give up on cocoon mode.
Reader Comments (8)
Um. I know nothing about this, but really, have you ever thought of selling your pictures on line. Bush Babe does it. (bushbabe.blogspot.com). Pioneer woman does it. (thepioneerwoman.com) I've never asked BB how many pictures she sells, but I have three of them. I also have a mother-in-law. She's in her eighties, but she has never forgotten that as a young girl, she headed west, and ended up in Alaska. She talks about Alaska all the time, her adventures there. And Christmas is coming. (hint, hint)
Just an idea. You can print your photos off online, and pick them up at Walmart later, pop them in an envelope, with a stiff piece of cardboard, scrawl an address, and there you go.
Cripes. How do you 'lose' a nagging reader?
All any of us can do is take life one day at a time, because one never knows what tomorrow will bring. But just for today, we are somewhat okay. I still think you should (if you haven't already done so) write some children's books! So much for what I think, hey?
i love your honesty, bill. i too have been at the end of my financial rope many times and things always come thru. to make myself a little money i proposed a newspaper article to a local paper but the editor hasn't gotten back to me. he liked the idea but he's got a million things on his mind. i'll call him again next week. we just keep trying. i run a monthly writer's group which will meet in 45 minutes so i'm working on a last-minute poem right now. i also wanna get a blog in before the group meets. i can only work under extreme deadline pressure. i love taco bell myself but can't afford eating out. i gave it up for the recession.
I have no financial advise to offer, just this: Margie is driving! That makes my day start off right.
In your book, Gift of the Whale, you wrote something so simple and so profound, it struck a deep chord within me and changed my way of thinking forever...
"I realized I was in the midst of something extraordinary and beautiful. The thought struck me that perhaps somewhere deep in the forgotten histories of all people, we might have shared something similar; in a belief that wealth and status is defined more by what you give to others than by what you hoard for yourself. Somewhere along the way, most of us lost this belief"
Never lose that belief...and thank you for that gift...
First, to all: last night's post was one of those posts that later you wish you had not made, or had made differently, but once I put a post up, it stays.
Debby: You can nag me all you want. I don't want to lose you. It makes me feel good to think that someone in PA with her own battles to fight takes an interest in mine. Once I get this project done, I have had it in mind to revamp this site a bit and put in a store. I had not thought of Wal-Mart, but of online services that do the printing, mailing and billing for you. I had no idea which one and need to do some study. But... I will look into the Wal-Mart option, too. I would not think they could match the quality I would want - but I could be wrong. It's a heck of an idea, if it works.
I don't think it would ever be a major source of income - I don't get near enough readers to make it so and most of my pictures are not wall hangers - but it could be helpful.
Grandma Nancy: You are very right, of course, and when I referred to holing up somewhere to work on my books and my blog, some of those books would be children's books. I have, in fact, years ago, put some children's books together, but have yet to succeed at marketing any.
One day. But when that day comes, the payoff, should it ever amount to anything, would likely still be years away.
It took me years to find a publisher for Gift of the Whale and I had to send to about 25. Then I had to spend a year cutting it down from the huge package that I had created into something that a publisher could actually handle. I did it for love and never made much money off of it.
Ruth: I'd like to read that poem. Good luck selling that article. Keep that novel going.
Kelly: Yes. She still has a ways to go and she is getting impatient but steadily she gets better.
Suzy: It is amazing to me to think that anything that I have ever written would have changed anybody's way of thinking. I thank you for sharing this with me.
Thanks to you all for the good words of encouragement!
I found your page today on a random search. I was Googling for experiences of other bikers trying to get served at Taco Bell's drive through (they refuse bikes service, and tell you to come inside... except there's no bike rack and only the drive through is open late).
Anyway, interesting story. Keep it up.
This may not be your cup of tea, but if you have too much spare time you could check out basic web design using Drupal. Drupal's like Wordpress on steroids. What's different for "Drupal" vs. regular website building is there is no programming required (although it's an option). A non-programmer can pick up 80% of it in a week or two (and that 80% might be all that's needed).
(I'm thinking of all these business "brochure" websites which were hand-coded or Frontpage HTML and then they just stagnate, never updated because the content management of the site is too difficult, and normal people can't update their own domain... gotta be a self-employed business model here)
I'm doing development using Drupal now (but working for a private company). I work 50 miles outside Boston, and I've often thought of doing my development online, selling it to local mom and pop shops everywhere... but doing it from somewhere "remote" and where the cost of living is cheaper (not Alaska, but you get the point). Anyway, this is really just one of "my" dreams, but I thought I'd share it. Good luck!
Scott, when I go into Taco Bell, I park my bike where I can see it through the window and I never take my eye off of it for more than a few seconds. I suppose that would be enough for a clever thief.
Good luck with Drupal. One of these days, and soon, I hope, I am going to throw away my old website, build a new one, integrate this blog into it. Can't promise anything, but I will at least take a quick look at Drupal.