Paralysis
Wednesday, March 16, 2011 at 12:26PM 
Ever have a day when you feel so weary and drained that you wonder how you can possibly carry on? Today is such a day for me. I won't bother to explain... I lack the energy. Anyway, I took this picture last night as I was working on Kivgiq, just before I hit the wall.
As both he and Jim so often do, Pistol plopped himself right down in a spot that made it difficult for me to use my mouse.
After I hit the wall, I did not want to just stop, because I have so many things I am trying to do, so I shifted my attention to another project, thinking that in this way I might keep accomplishing something, one way or another. So I did a search of my computer, looking for a certain picture that I hoped was still in it or on one of the hard drives currently plugged in.
It was not, but a bunch of pictures that I was not looking for popped up, including this one of Jim standing atop my monitor back when I had a monitor that a cat could actually stand on top of.
There are multiple big personal stories in this picture, some of which I have hinted at but never told in full. I actually just now got carried away and wrote one of them out in some detail, but thought better of it, cut it out, saved it as a word file and will return to it one day in the future through this or another outlet.
Now I think I will take a long walk and see if I can start putting myself back together. I've got too much to do to let myself be paralyzed like this.
Reader Comments (6)
Get some rest, Bill. You're exhausted.
Take care, Bill -- I hope you're feeling much better soon. I hope this horrible insomnia lets up on you so that you can get some real rest.
Bill, please take it easy...you're trying to do too much at one time, I fear.
Do my eyes deceive me? I think I see, on the left of your photo, a possible F4U Navy gull-wing Corsair? Perhaps even a Stearman? Even if I'm way off the mark, may I say you have beautiful plane models, and I'd love to hear more about them. Sleep well and long...we'll always be here.
When hitting the wall, it is best to stop before you do it again!
Absolutely identify with the feeling after a couple of months that have encompassed lengthy illness and death of family member, injuries, accidents and the slowest spring I can remember in a long time. I am (as you sound to be) absolutely emotionally and physically exhausted, and yes, wonder how I can possibly carry on.
Albert, Fiona, Heidi and Melanie: You are all correct, of course, but there is nothing to do but to keep doing.
D - I am very sorry to hear about all this. I can related - as can we all, sooner or later. Just carry on, anyway. You might fall short here and there, like I do, but just carry on, even when you don't know how you can.