Paralysis

Ever have a day when you feel so weary and drained that you wonder how you can possibly carry on? Today is such a day for me. I won't bother to explain... I lack the energy. Anyway, I took this picture last night as I was working on Kivgiq, just before I hit the wall.

As both he and Jim so often do, Pistol plopped himself right down in a spot that made it difficult for me to use my mouse.

After I hit the wall, I did not want to just stop, because I have so many things I am trying to do, so I shifted my attention to another project, thinking that in this way I might keep accomplishing something, one way or another. So I did a search of my computer, looking for a certain picture that I hoped was still in it or on one of the hard drives currently plugged in.

It was not, but a bunch of pictures that I was not looking for popped up, including this one of Jim standing atop my monitor back when I had a monitor that a cat could actually stand on top of.

There are multiple big personal stories in this picture, some of which I have hinted at but never told in full. I actually just now got carried away and wrote one of them out in some detail, but thought better of it, cut it out, saved it as a word file and will return to it one day in the future through this or another outlet.

Now I think I will take a long walk and see if I can start putting myself back together. I've got too much to do to let myself be paralyzed like this.

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Will this be Jobe's last great crawl through the house? Congratulations, John Baker! post Kivgiq scene, Friendly people in a truck

First, before I analyze what may have been Jobe's last great crawling expedition through this house, I must congratulate John Baker for his record-breaking Iditarod win. I was greatly pleased to learn this. Baker is the first Alaska Native to win this great race since 1976, and the first Iñupiat ever to win it.

I only regret that I could not have been there to photograph his finish. Oh, this blog has such a long way to go to ever become what I want and hope it to be! And the event that happened today that I missed will never come again.

In some ways, it doesn't matter, because his finish was well-documented and there is probably not much I could have added to it, but given where he comes from and my history with the Iñupiat, I surely wish that I could have been there.

But there is no point in feeling sorry for myself, what is, is, and I was present for Jobe's great expedition and here it is. Given the fact that he has learned to toddle behind the wagon, given the fact that yesterday he rose up and stood for a time all on his own, it is possible that from now on, his expeditions will be taken all on foot.

He will be spending time with us this weekend, and I think he will probably still do some crawling, but one never knows.

Anyway, this particular crawling expedition began with him chasing after Jim. He did not catch him.

After Jim ditches him, Jobe continues on through the kitchen and enters the hallway.

Jobe ponders which way to go.

He turns around and goes the other way - all the way to our bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, he turns around again. Will he come out?

Yes! He pushes open the door and comes out.

Back up the hall he goes.

Jobe completes his great expedition.

Last night, I finally reached the very last Kivgiq picture that I took, and this is it - right after everything came to an end and people began to disperse.

So, today, I will go back through and make some kind of Kivgiq show tomorrow. I did not think that I was going to be able to, but it now looks like there is a good possibility that I will get to make a special Kivgiq Uiñiq. In this case, I will not go quite so crazy here with hundreds of pictures as I had thought I would, as I will want that Uiñiq to be special when it comes out, with a good number of pictures in it that will have not been seen before.

And this from India...

Friendly people in a truck, going who knows where to do who knows what, as our taxicab passes them on the right.

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Jobe falls, gets up and becomes a rolling toddler

As I prepared these pictures of my bright-eyed grandson, Jobe, for today's post, I could not help but think repeatedly of the equally bright-eyed children of Japan who have lost their homes, or even their lives, who have been displaced, and now live in dire circumstance.

In contrast to that, being very much aware of the arbitrary of this life and knowing that what hits Japan today can hit Alaska tomorrow, I begin today's happy essay with this image of my grandson, Jobe, who has discovered that with the help of his little wagon, he can now toddle about the house.

But oh, no! He falls on his butt. He looks up into my eyes (note that in this picture I am holding the camera low and off to the side in front of Jobe, so those are my feet and legs that you see to the left and he is indeed looking into my eyes) and cries. He wants me to pick him up, to comfort him, to put him back on his feet.

"It's okay, Jobe," I tell him. "You don't need me to help you. You can get up. You can do it yourself."

Jobe realizes that he must do this for himself. He begins to get up.

Jobe is up, a little bit unsure of himself, but ready to go again. In the background, his Uncle Caleb prepares to putt an imaginary golf ball.

 Off Jobe goes, as Caleb putts his golf ball through the roof and 400 yards down the road.

Jobe dashes into a sun beam.

He rounds the corner toward the kitchen...

...he passes by the kitchen table...

...gleefully, he charges through the kitchen, his fall forgotten.

Then back into the living room where he will do it all again... and again... and again...

I had to do some other things, so I retreated to my office as Jobe continued to wagon-toddle his laps. After a bit, I heard someone pounding on the window in front of my computer, where Jimmy likes to sit, bask in the sun and watch for moose, ravens, little birds and whatever else he might see out there.

I stood up, lifted the curtain and there was Jobe, looking in at Jimmy and me.

How did he ever grow to be so tall, so fast?

Later still, I stepped back into the house and saw that, using a couch for support, he had risen to his feet all on his own. He reached out for me.

So I took his little hand, and the two of us went walking. Again, in this picture, I am holding the camera away from me, so as to get my hand in the picture. Again, he is looking straight into my eyes.

And all this happened as children in Japan struggled for their very lives.

Let us not forget them even as we live our own lives.

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Three trucks, three cats and a fire

Too much to do. Current events keep overwhelming desires and ambitions. I had an important task that had to be completed on Friday, thus I spent all day Thursday and Friday working on it - temporarily pushing my Kivgiq editing to the side.

Now I have another task that must be completed by the end of the day Tuesday and, except for going to town to pick up Margie on Saturday, I kept my Kivgiq take pushed to the side and that task was the only thing that I worked on.

I had thought that I could finish it over the weekend, but it remains in a state of chaos, so my goal now is to finish it before I go to bed tonight and then send it on its way in the morning, so I can get back to Kivgiq.

I am determined to get back to Kivgiq, and to do with it just what I stated I would.

So I really have no time for this blog right now at all. 

None. Zero seconds - that's how much time I have for it. ZERO SECONDS.

I will keep it going anyway - but simple and short.

With that in mind, yesterday I determined that I would take just one picture for this blog and I would make certain that it was a fairly dull image so that when I put it in this post and looked at it I would not have much to waste my time writing about it.

This is is. A blue Dodge Ram pickup truck.

I parked next to it when Margie and I took yesterday's lunch at McDonald's.

I know - this confession is going to cause me grief. I will be scolded and reprimanded on multiple fronts for taking Margie to McDonald's and thus ruining the health of the both of us.

But it was Sunday. Margie had come down with whatever had brought Kalib and Jobe down. She was not up to cooking, neither was I and anyway nobody has done any serious shopping around here for awhile and there nothing to fix for lunch.

So we went to McDonald's. Their new Angus burgers are actually very good. It was cheap. We could sit in the car with the heater going so it was warm.

And we got to look at this blue pickup truck.

I was even privileged to be able to take a photo of it.

Thus, I had all that I needed to make today's post.

I could keep it very short and simple.

One picture, plus one, two, or possibly three sentences. No more than that.

That is why I took this single boring picture of a blue pickup truck at McDonald's.

So that I could keep this post short and brief.

This will be my goal all week - until all my tasks and Kivgiq are done:

To keep these posts short and brief.

Then, this morning, as I was eating breakfast - steel cut oatmeal with walnuts, peaches and blackberries - one cat lay down in front of the wood stove and two more sauntered by.

No matter how brief one sincerely wants to keep his post, when something so dramatic and exciting as this takes place, one must go into action.

So I did.

And here they are:

Pistol, Jimmy, and Chicago by today's fire.

And this from India: 

Two trucks, passing in opposite directions.

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I take a blurry iPhone photo of Melanie and Charlie and see the impression of Mom; Little Miss Vaidehi: Eight studies

In midafternoon, I received a call from Charlie's cell phone, but after I answered, "Hello Charlie," I got this response:

"It's me, Melanie."

And indeed, it was. The two were just driving out of Anchorage with Charlie at the wheel, headed for Vagabond Blues in Palmer. Melanie asked if Margie and I wanted to come to Palmer and join them for coffee.

I said, "sure," but I could not get Margie to leave the house so I would have to go by myself.

I took a shower first, and then suddenly discovered that I was going to leave later than I intended.

I rushed out of the house and when I got to Vagabond, was shocked to discover that I had forgotten my camera.

This left me with only my iPhone, the lens of which is hopelessly smudged.

That was okay. I would go for the impressionistic effect.

Boy. When I look at Melanie in this blurred picture, the impression that I get is of my mom. Physically speaking, Mom really seeped through me into Melanie.

But Mom would have never joined any of us for coffee. The thought that we were even drinking coffee would have broken her heart.

As it happened, in the end, although she never saw me take a sip of coffee, her dedicated Mormon heart was thoroughly broken anyway and that broken heart took both her life and Dad's thereafter.

Afterward, Melanie rode with me back to Wasilla and Charlie joined us here. We ate Spam chunks for dinner, mixed with rice and veggies. It was pretty good.

Then Jim and Charlie hung out for awhile.

Chennai, India: Eight studies of Little Miss Vaidehi

Little Miss Vaidehi, Study # 1: With my lens cap

Little Miss Vaidehi, Study # 2: With her mom, Vidya

Little Miss Vaidehi, Study # 3: With her keyboard

Little Miss Vaidehi, Study # 4: She reaches for the ball

Little Miss Vaidehi, Study # 5: From the arms of her father, Vijay, she marvels at the girl in the mirror

Little Miss Vaidehi, Study # 6: With her Auntie Mel from Alaska

Little Miss Vaidehi, Study # 7: With her grandmother, Vasanthi

Little Miss Vaidehi, Study # 1: With her dad, Vijay

To anyone who would like to see a more contemporary version of Vaidehi on YouTube, as recorded by Vijay, here you can find her laughing or singing.

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