Jobe and Kalib stand in as I put, "Contemplating..." on hold for yet another day

Yesterday, before I headed off to the funeral that I had mentioned, Lavina called to let us know that, once again, Jobe was not feeling well and to ask if Margie could come and spend the night and care for him Monday, today. Naturally, we agreed - we would do anything for little Jobe and his big brother, Kalib.

So I dropped her off before I went to the funeral.

As recent readers know, my plan for today was to delve into "contemplating the future of this blog, part 3" and to let three parts do it.

But I have a huge amount of work that I want today on what for me is a most important projectand I do want to be distracted from it any more than necessary, not even by this blog.

So I am going to keep it short and simple. While I will still be working on that project tomorrow, if I can get enough done on it over the next 12 to 14 hours I think I will feel okay about taking a couple of hours in the morning to nail down part 3.

And, as coincidence so often seems to happen in my life, the funeral - or rather my history with the woman for whom the funeral was held - ties into this theme in a way that I had not even considered until mid-way through the services for her.

So I will use a few of those pictures as I contemplate.

In the meantime, here is Margie and Jobe.

Even when he is feeling under the weather, Jobe tends to be optimistic and pleasant.

He is a very rare and wonderful little guy.

He did cry though - he cried when he saw me start to leave. He reached out his arms toward me. 

So I did not leave as quickly as I was going to. I went back, took him in into my arms, retired to the couch and held him for a bit and did a self-portrait of the two of us.

The thought occurred to me that in so doing, the bug that has got him might come and get me, too.

But what the hell. I've been got by lots of bugs in this life. I have always gotten better. Should this one get me, I am certain that I will get better again.

Before I left, I also had to find Kalib with his spatula. I looked into the TV room, that will be his bedroom when the time comes for him to move out of mom and dad's room. There he was, watching TV. He had his spatula with him.

And this from India: Banu and Ravi

Banu and Ravi - parents of Soundarya, Sujitha and Ganesh. It is the morning following the wedding of Soundarya and Anil.

View images as slides

I begin Christmas by taking a shower with a spider; we give gifts, eat, celebrate and the littlest among us falls ill

Late on Christmas morning, before the influx of family began to arrive, I took a shower. After I stepped out, I found this spider standing still on the shower curtain. I do not like to have spiders in the house, nor do I like to kill them. When I find a spider in the house between breakup and freezeup, I catch it and take it outside.

It seems cruel to do this in the winter, so in the winter, I apologize to whatever spider I find. "I am sorry, spider," I say. "I do not wish to harm you, but I just can't allow spiders to overwhelm my house." Then I will kill it.

When I looked at this spider, one word came into my mind: "Chooo'weet!" 

I could not kill it. It just simply was not in me to do. I dried myself with a towel, got dressed, left the spider in peace right where you see it and went out to greet family members as they arrived.

Jobe arrived with his mom brandishing a copy of the Anchorage Daily News. Whose picture do you think was in it...? Look close... heck, you don't even have to look that close... it's Jobe! Second from left on top, a crop from the Christmas card picture that I ran with yesterday's post.

Soon, Jobe took a seat on the floor. He looks good and happy as usual, but he had thrown up just a little bit earlier and he was not eating anything at the moment. None of us were too concerned. Babies throw up all the time.

You will note Kalib and Ama in the background. It is true that Rex is the one who discovered Ama and brought her into our lives, but I have to tell you, it was Kalib and Ama who were falling in love with each other on Christmas Day.

Jobe tried his hand at petting Jim. He was doing okay, but then he grabbed a big hank of fur and yanked. Jim turned around and meowed in protest.

Jobe was left with a clump of black fur in his paw.

When it came time for me to pass out the gifts, Jacob put a Santa hat on my head. Jobe came over and posed with Santa for this self-portrait.

Who would receive the first gift? I reached into the pile of gifts and grabbed one at random. It was addressed to Charlie, from Santa Paws. Which means it came from Muzzy and his family.

Charlie tore into the packaging to unwrap his gift.

It was a Betty Boop doll.

Well, actually, it was a grain mill. But if you squint until your eyes are almost closed and then look hazily at the box, those little pictures kind of look like Betty Boop.

Among the huge cache of gifts that cascaded down upon Kalib was this alligator, a triceratops, and a shark.

One gift was addressed to Diamond, Bear Meach and Poof, the cats who hang out with Melanie and Charlie. The cats had stayed home, so Melanie opened.

Somehow, I don't think those cats are going to wipe their paws.

As for me, I would rather wipe my muddy boots on the living room rug than to dirty this matt.

Margie held up a print of Jobe that I made for her.

"Joooooe - be!" Kalib said.

You will notice that Caleb is staying low key in the background, holding his throat. On Tuesday, he bought himself something to eat at Taco Bell and a crunchy taco shell scratched his throat on the way down. His throat grew sore and just kept getting worse and worse.

So he stayed low key, all day.

He didn't even play with Kalib.

Margie called me into the kitchen to tell me it was time to for me to carve the turkey, which she had just removed from the oven - with a little help from Lavina and Melanie.

Ama had been no help at all. As you can see, she had over-imbibed and had passed out on the dinning room table.

How could this have happened? This was an alcohol-free gathering.

It was Kalib that she had over-imbibed on. Kalib, and all his rambunctious energy.

So she passed out. Her head hit the table with a "thunk!"

I might exaggerate just a little bit.

As for me, I picked up the carving knife. The edge was dull. So I sharpened it, until it could have sliced right through a newspaper.

Instead, it sliced through the skin on the tip of my left pointer finger..

That knife was really sharp and went straight to bone, just like that.

Then Charlie brought some squash that Jacob had cooked with with berries and pine-nuts to the table. It was time to begin feasting.

Unrepentant and irreligious though I be, I have been walking a very ethereal edge these past five weeks and it did not seem right to start Christmas dinner without a prayer and a word of thanks. I did not feel up to the task myself and so I asked Lavina, whose strong sense of spirituality is rooted in her Dene beliefs. She agreed. I asked her to be certain to remember other members of the family who are grieving, those in South India.

She did, along with many others spread widely over vast distances.

Then it was time to eat. I put my camera aside and picked up my fork and knife.

Afterward, we were all stuffed. Turkey can put you to sleep. It put Rex to sleep.

But Rex would not be allowed to sleep long, for a shark came flying at him. It was Lisa who had hurled the shark.

Knowing how much Melanie hates the very image of a spider, I called her over and showed her the picture of the spider on my camera monitor. She shrieked, and almost dropped Jobe.

"Why would you do that, Dad?" she asked.

So I told about how the spider had showered with me and how I had left it in peace.

"Why would you want to shower with a spider, anyway, Dad?" Lisa chimed in. "Don't you know that a spider has eight eyes?"

Charlie had borrowed my guitar. The spider incident inspired him and he suddenly began to sing one of his improvised, on the spot, ballads.

I wish I could quote him, but I can't.

Anyway, the ballad was about a guy who took a shower with a spider. Everything started out fine, but then the spider got a little too perverse in taking in the sights with its eight staring eyes and wound up getting washed down the drain.

It didn't have to be that way, Charlie sang. Everything would have been fine, if only that spider had kept its eyes to itself.

As for Kalib and Ama, the two just kept at it. Melanie had given Charlie a top Canon Rebel. As the two frolicked, he read the manual so that he could begin using it.

Ama, by the way, is Jewish and also vegetarian. She grew up in New York and her family did not celebrate Christmas, but, as it was a holiday and they had the day off, they would usually go to a movie and a Chinese restaurant.

Readers who were with me then will recall that right after Thanksgiving, she and Rex flew to San Francisco and then joined Ama's family at Lake Tahoe. After that, they drove into Canada and then followed the Al-Can Highway to Alaska. On their way to Anchorage, they stopped here. It was the end of Hanukkah, and so they lit the last candle of the menorah, right here. I was in Barrow at the time.

Then they flew to New England but now they are back, Ama just found an apartment and will soon start her new job teaching massage therapy.

I lay down on the couch to rest a bit. I closed my eyes, and slipped into that place half way between sleep and awake. I am not quite sure how he got there, but when I opened them again, Jobe was on my shoulder.

Jobe truly adores me and I adore him.

So I did another self-portrait. A bit later, Jobe's mom put him down for a nap in his cradleboard. A bit after that, we heard a loud, awful sounding retching noise come from the master bedroom, where Jobe had been sleeping.

He had thrown up badly. He was feverish.

So Jacob and Lavina took him to the emergency room at Mat-Su Valley Regional Hospital.

Kalib stayed with us.

They came back about three hours later. Jobe had come down with some kind of mix of bacteria and virus and had been given medicine. He would be okay, the doctor had said. His spirits were good and his smile was there. His parents decided to spend the night here.

Kalib watched as his dad stoked up the fire.

By the way - today, Sunday, December 26, is Kalib's third birthday.

Happy birthday, Kalib!

How did it happen so fast?

And why do all events just keep shooting by, faster and faster?

About midnight, Jobe began to get fussy. He cried and cried and it was hard to see and hear - this little grandson of mine, who is always so happy and good natured.

Lavina picked him up and patted and soothed and rocked him. In time, he settled down. And he slept reasonably well until 5:00 AM, when he woke up and cried again.

He seems okay now, though.

While Jimmy had hung out with us through much of the day, we had caught only flashing glimpses of Pistol-Yero and we had not seen Chicago at all.

This was because Muzzy had come to visit. Jimmy doesn't care, he does not fear the big-hearted St. Bernard, but those other two stay away from Muzzy.

Now that Christmas, 2010, was coming to its end and it was bedtime, Chicago stepped half-way into the hall to see if she could determine what was going on.

Despite Jobe's temporary illness, it was a good Christmas Day, well-below zero outside but warm in the love of family inside.

I enjoyed it, and when Melanie brought up the memory of the exploding nitro-squirrels that we used to come upon when she was little and we would go walking, I laughed loud and hard.

Even so, were I to tell you that I went through the day without my eyes ever watering I would be lying.

View images as slide show 

Little genius Mariah Ahgeak captures me

During the singspiration, two-year old Mariah Ahgeak, one of Warren Matumeak's great-granddaughters, walked up to me during a moment when I had taken a seat in a pew, had set my camera down and had pulled out my silenced iPhone to check the time.

Mariah was very interested in the phone and she knew that it was also a camera. I thought that she wanted me to take a picture of her and show it to her - as so many children do. So I activated the camera, took a picture of her and showed it to her - but that was not what she wanted. She wanted to take the camera and take a picture of me. 

I was reluctant to let her take my iPhone, because I feared she might not want to give it back - and it can be hard to explain to a two-year old why she must, but she was so determined and enthusiastic that I relented. I let her take a picture of me with the iPhone.

A bit later, she popped up in front of me again, this time holding a tiny red camera, which she also used to take my picture. She looked so cute and determined with that little red camera, but I could not photograph her because I had a big lens on my camera and it would not focus that close and my iPhone was  buried in my pocket.

Two nights later, the family invited me to dinner and she was there.

Again, she wanted to take my picture.

I gave her my iPhone. Here she is, studying her subject before she shoots.

Here she is, photographing her subject.

Now she studies her work.

And here is her subject - me - in the picture that she took during the singspiration for her great-grandfather at the Utqiagvik Presbyterian Church.

I almost want to proclaim her a natural-born photographic genius, because in this simple snap, I can see everything that I was feeling - the deep, unrelenting sadness coupled with my joy and delight at seeing her determination and enthusiasm.

Soon, there will be no need for people like me because people like her are going to cover everything from the inside to a depth that has never been achieved before. Even so, I am glad that I arrived upon the scene in time to be of some use with my camera.

I think Mariah is a genius. I really do. Go back to the top, look into her eyes and tell me otherwise.

Jacob Kagak with his little niece, Theresa Cola Luafulu, Warren's granddaughter.

Darlene Kagak with her little niece, Theresa Cola Luafulu. Dorene took note of the fact that little Annie begun her life's journey at the same time that her grandfather's came to an end.

"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away," Darlene said.

And here are the iPhone images that I took of Mariah during the singspiration:

Mariah!

View images as slide show

We celebrated Jacob's birthday in Anchorage; two cling together in the Bay of Bengal

As already noted, Margie and I had brought the two little ones home to spend the night with us so that Jacob and Lavina could go out and have a Jacob birthday date, all to themselves. Now, the night was over and it was time to take Jobe and Kalib back to their mom and dad and eat a birthday lunch with them.

I had planned to have Margie drop me off at the airport so that I could fly to Barrow, but then I had to postpone my flight until early Monday morning, as I just could not get everything done that needed to be done.

I found Jobe ready to go, however - looking quite dapper in his new hat.

And Kalib was ready with his spatula. It was time to head to town, to celebrate the birthday of their father, our eldest child.

We left the valley in fog and when we drove into Anchorage, we found this snow-laden truck, creating its own mini-blizzard.

The plan was to meet at the Spenard Road House. Charlie arrived just ahead of us and walked to the door, his shadow tagging along.

Amazing, isn't it? How such a slender guy can cast such a burly shadow?

Kalib momentarily replaced his spatula with Color Crayons, most of which would wind up on the floor.

Jobe, of course, intently observed his surroundings. He is a most observant little tot.

And so I remembered that night 36 years ago when I took Margie to the labor room in Provo, Utah. She had been looking forward to giving birth to our first baby, but now she was not happy. It hurt and she did not want to go through with it.

"I've changed my mind," she said. "Take me home."

She wasn't joking, either. She was very serious. When I refused to take her home, she got quite upset with me.

Later, though, as she held this little one to her breast and then offered me a kiss, she completely forgave me.

As we sat there, remembering, Jacob put Jobe on my shoulders and held him there. Lavina could not resist and so took my camera away from me and turned it back on me.

It doesn't matter whether she is using the most simple, low-quality point and shoot or her iPhone, Lavina knows how to take a picture. She could be a pro, if that were her heart's desire.

She caught it all, right here - the sadness that I cannot conceal, even in the most happy situation, coupled with the essence of all that I have to live for.

I hope you catch this one soon, Suji - your little love Jobe, with your Uncle Bill, half-way-around the world from you but traveling this hard part of the journey with you.

And you, too, Gane. Maybe one day we will have a little granddaughter niece for you and she can be your little love.

That's Carl, Rex's friend that he met through Ama, sitting with us. As for Rex and Ama, they are right now driving through British Columbia, headed toward the Alaska Highway so that they can drive to Anchorage and then catch a jet to New York.

In the past week, Interior temperatures have been as cold as -50, so I am a little concerned about this drive.

Muzzy had missed the dinner, but insisted that I come out and say "hi" before we left.

Margie wanted a mint, so I stopped at the Holiday Station by Merrill Field. As I went in to buy her one, this plane came by on final -reminding me of a promise I once made but can now never keep.

And then we set off to drive home.

It was foggy on the Hay Flats.

My plan now was to get everything done by 10:00 PM, 11:00 at the latest, go to bed, get up at 3:30 AM and then head back Anchorage and to the airport, where my flight was scheduled to depart at 6:00 AM.

I was well on track to meeting that goal, when Lightroom misfired, and then launched a two hour process to diagnose and repair itself and then, at the very end of that process, declared the catalog to be corrupted beyond repair. So I had to start anew. There would be little time for sleeping ahead of me.

And this one from India:

The Bay of Bengal, about 30 miles south of Chennai: They play, and cling together.

View images as slides

they will appear larger and look better

I sneak Margie out on a date, eat raw fish, drift with ravens and spot a cop and a driver-less car on the Wasilla highway

As you know, this past Sunday afternoon I was happily working away in my office when Jobe suddenly appeared at my door, snatched Margie away from me and took her back to Anchorage to stay with him and Kalib for the week. This was because Lavina and Jacob were each traveling during different times of the week and so they needed Margie there, to care for Kalib and Jobe.

I do good alone, don't mind it, much, because as long as I have a camera, a computer or something to write with, I am never bored. I always have something to do.

More to do than I can do, in fact.

Even so, come Wednesday afternoon, I found myself longing to see Margie - to see a movie with her. We used to go to movies every week, when I would be home, but we have fallen off.

So I jumped into the car and rushed to town.

Whoever was in this car was headed into Wasilla even as I was headed out, Anchorage bound.

I snuck her out of the house. We then went to the movie, "Hereafter" and after we went out to dinner at Samurai Sushi, where we had never eaten before.

Margie doesn't care for sushi, so she ordered Teriyaki chicken. I ordered this plate of sushi and sashimi. For a moment, I was hesitant, because our bank account is once again just about tapped out - and we have an auto-withdrawal payment coming Monday that is bigger than the combination of all the funds left in all three of our bank accounts combined.

On the other hand, I had submitted an invoice the day before, which hopefully will be paid in time to cover everything, I had not been on a date with my wife in a long time and that sushi looked really good.

Here is my sushi and sashimi, as seen through my iPhone.

Oh, damn! It was good!

How do these Japanese chefs make raw fish taste so good?

If I take a fish and cut it up and eat it raw it is not going to taste like this.

These guys really know how to cut fish.

Margie's chicken teriyaki was delicious, too.

I know, because she let me sample a chopstick full.

I then drove Margie back to drop her off Jacob and Lavina's house until Saturday night. Do you remember that feeling you sometimes had when you were young and you had taken a girl you liked out on a date or maybe you were that girl and you were with a guy you liked and then the date was over and you were pulling up to her parent's house to drop her off?

That feeling of how good it felt to be with this person, how much you had enjoyed the date and now you still had the good feeling, but a little ache, too, because this girl with her parents and then go?

That was the very feeling that I had as I pulled into Jacob and Lavina's driveway with Margie beside me, after our date.

Only I wasn't taking back home to her parents.

I was taking her home to our grandkids. 

Jacob had returned from his travels and Lavina would not leave on her's until the next day, so they were both home.

Kalib was watching Dragons - probably for the 10,000th time. I got between him and the screen to take a picture of him. He peered around me to the left so that he could continue to watch.

I shifted left, to try again. Kalib peered around me to the right.

I shifted to the right. He was getting a little disgusted with me.

It's okay, though. He has all the scenes memorized. And he's probably seen them ten times since then.

Jobe was hanging out with Muzzy.

Maybe Jobe will go to Arizona some day and be a bull rider.

I don't really want him to be, but it might just be in his blood, so you never know.

Then Jacob caught me and Jobe together. Jobe loves me. Jobe loves my beard. One day, I want to take him out in a canoe and catch fish with him.

Maybe by then I can learn how to cut them right and then we can sit on the bank and eat sushi and sashimi, as fresh as sushi and sashimi can be.

"Grandpa," he will say. "That was damn good raw fish. I sure hope that some day, I can grow a beard just like yours!"

So that was Wednesday. This was yesterday, back in Wasilla. I had to go to Wal-Mart to pick up some medications.

There were ravens there, waiting for me.

Wal-Mart raven.

Then, as I drove home, I saw ravens surfing the updraft, over the railroad tracks.

It was a windy day. Ravens love windy days.

I love ravens.

For those unclear about the difference between ravens and crows, they are related, but ravens are bigger. Much bigger. 

Ravens make a stronger impression on you than crows do.

Sometimes a raven will say, "never more."

A crow would never say that.

Never.

While I was stopped at the light on the corner of the Parks and Palmer-Wasilla highways, I noticed a cop car pull into the left turn to my right with lights flashing. Then the cop stopped, right there in the left turn lane and got out of the car.

This seemed to me to be a very curious place to make a traffic stop. Then, as my light turned green and I had to go, I noticed that the car the cop had stopped behind did not have a driver.

It was empty - just sitting there unmanned in the left turn lane. Nor I could I see anyone just standing around, who might have once been the driver.

Just another of the usual strange sights that one gets to see just about everyday, right here in Wasilla, Alaska.

View images as slide show