Lavina and Jacob stopped by early Sunday afternoon to drop Jobe off so that they could take Kalib to the State Fair. Poor Kalib! For so long, he got used to being the one and only, the center of attention, for his parents and all of us.
And then along came little Jobe, smaller yet, not only cute and adorable, but one of the most good-natured babies ever born on this earth. Suddenly, Kalib had competition for all that love and attention that had belonged to him only.
Jacob and Lavina could have taken Jobe to the fair, too, and pushed him around in a stroller and it would have been fine, but they decided that on this day, they were going to devote their attention solely to Kalib. On this day, for the several hours between when they left Jobe at our house and then returned again, Kalib would be their one and only.
So here is Jobe, on his grandmother's lap, drinking his mother's milk.
Kalib is nowhere within range of my camera. He is off with his parents, enjoying their attention at the Alaska State Fair.
Doing what was at once right, healthy, and fiscally prudent, I had cooked steel-cut oatmeal in the morning and had eaten it with blueberries.
Yet, all through the day into mid-afternoon I had that Sunday morning, go-out-for breakfast feeling; the kind of feeling that makes you want to sit down in a restaurant and be served ham and eggs, with your cup being refilled by an attentive waitress as quickly as you can drain it.
So, at about 3:00 PM, I said "see you later" to Margie and Jobe, neither of whom wanted to come, drove to Family Restaurant and ordered just such a breakfast.
Afterward, as I drove through the parking lot toward the exit, I spotted this scene.
As I continued on towards home, I spotted this couple. Apparently, the male half lives with the worry that someone will feed him to the bears. He obviously does not want to be fed to the bears.
I came home via Church Road, and found myself behind this vehicle.
This is a crop from the previous image, so that readers can clearly see what the Astro owner wants you to see: a decal of a man with a rifle, kneeling before a cross. There are many ways this could be interpreted and, frankly, I do not know for certain what message the Astro owner is trying to send.
The decal could represent a soldier, stationed in Afghanistan or Iraq, about to go into combat and so he prays for guidance and protection. It could signify a hunter who desires to feed his family, so he also prays for guidance protection and for help to put food on the table. It could signal the conviction of someone who believes that the barrel of a gun is the way to advance the gospel of He Who commanded those faithful to him: "whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also" and "whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain."
Update, 5:52 PM: I just looked at this again, and was struck by another possibility: it might represent a soldier, kneeling before a monument to his fallen friends.
Sometime after I returned home from my truly wonderful late afternoon breakfast, which also served as my lunch and dinner, Melanie and Charlie arrived at the house. Melanie performed for Jobe's amusement.
Charlie showed me his new, used car, a hybrid Honda Insight that he says gets 56 miles per gallon. My nephew, Thos Swallow down in Salt Lake City, engaged to marry in October, has such a car. Only his is a bright, lime, green. You can see it coming, even in the fog, from ten miles away, on the other side of a mountain.
I like that little car.
Jacob and Lavina reported that Kalib, who appears to be completely restored from the ailment that had him down last week, had a happy time at the fair - so much so that he ran his parents into a state of exhaustion.
I did a self-portrait of Jobe and me. And don't be worried that Jobe might suddenly pitch himself backwards with no support. See that patch of maroon and yellow just over my right shoulder?
That's Jacob, and he has his hand on Jobe's back.
Charlie took a picture of me taking this picture. He posted it on his Facebook page.
Kalib never came into the house, because he also exhausted himself at the fair and so he stayed in the car to sleep. All too soon, his parents and Jobe joined him so that they could go home and prepare for the work week ahead.
Margie joined them, too, as she needs to be in Anchorage to babysit Jobe.
Not long afterward, Melanie and Charlie climbed into Charlie's new car so that they could burn less than one gallon of gas and still get home.
I hated to see my daughter go. And Charlie, too, of course, but a daughter - no one holds the heart of a father quite like a daughter. And my daughters - yes, they own my heart.
Still, she and Charlie had to go.
Once again, I was left alone, me and the cats.
By now, I suspect most readers have deduced that I spend a tremendous amount of time alone. I write alone, I drive alone, I walk alone, I bike alone, I sit in airplanes alone, I dine alone.
I am a person who does good alone, because the people that I have met and countless people who I haven't but know of and many who don't even exist outside my imagination all inhabit my mind and when I am alone, many conversations and actitivities take place there. For every word that I write in a form that others can read, I compose ten thousand in my mind, when I am alone.
So I do good alone.
But somehow, on this night, after Melanie left with Charlie, I slipped into a horrid, hollow, state of painful loneliness. I sat at my computer and did the usual things, but nothing could diminish the ache - perhaps because I know that if things go as I hope, in no more than two or three days I will be on a plane going north and then I will be in a place where wireless does not reach.
I will have no contact with my family - perhaps for a week, two, three... hard to say. It depends on many factors, not a single one of which I will have any control over. So maybe that's why I felt lonely to such a painful degree
At 2:02 AM, I received an email notification that Thruptha Mp had just sent me a Facebook message. I met her in Bangalore, India, during Soundarya's wedding. I had not heard from Thruptha in quite some time, but she wrote to tell me that she had created a folder labeled "Best of Bill's photography" but was frustrated, because she was having a hard time narrowing the images down.
That message cheered me. I went to bed about an hour later, still lonely, but not near as lonely.
Yet, even now, on this new day of this new week, the loneliness has returned in full. Many lonely hours await me.
But don't feel sorry - if one never experienced loneliness, one could never do what I do. It is an integral part of the process and must be faced.
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Sunday, September 12, 2010 at 4:35PM 
