His heart broken, the two left-footed man sets out for New York City
Saturday, February 5, 2011 at 12:46PM 
Doubtless, you have heard about those wild, savvy, Alaskans who have such a deep knowledge of the land and environment that to them to look at a track in the snow is just like reading a book. If one knows how to read it, each track tells stories to the knowledgeable that will completely escape the average person.
I am pleased to announce that I am such an Alaskan. And yesterday, as I walked, I read novel upon novel in the tracks that other wanderers had left behind in the snow.
For example, you have heard about the famous person who has two left feet. Yesterday, I discovered that this is not just a figure of speech to describe a clumsy person who stumbles over himself when he tries to dance.
There really is a person with two left feet and he lives right here in Wasilla. Here are the actual prints left behind by his two left feet as he set out to walk to New York City.
Clearly, as indicated by the dipthong in the upper indentation of the right left foot, he is going to New York City. To understand why, just look at the asperance right smack in the middle of the left left foot.
Two days ago, his cat left him and moved in with a neighbor. He is heartbroken. He believes that once he gets to New York City, the cat will come to her senses and join him there.
But only if he walks. If he flies, the cat won't give a damn. Only by walking all the way through cold and misery does he believe that he can demonstrate to the cat the depth of the love that he feels for her.
It's all right there - in the tracks left behind by his two left feet.
When the dog who has been loyal to the man with two left feet for the past 30 years discovered that his human had left, he set out to find him.
Unfortunately, as you can see, the dog is going in the wrong direction. Instead of New York, the dog is headed towards Hong Kong. Not only does the dog have a long walk ahead of him, but a long swim, too. Perhaps if the dog had the legendary canine sense of smell, the dog would know. But this dog lost its ability to smell - even though, by hell, the dog does smell - during an unfortunate sniffing accident that it suffered as a pup.
It is sad, because the dog will search and search and search the streets of Hong Kong and will never find his man. He will find a friendly lady who will give him refuge every night and feed him hamburgers every morning - just before he goes out to search in vain again.
As for the double-left-footed man, he will find only disappointment in New York City. His cat will never follow him there. He will spend the rest of his days living in the subway, playing his accordian as passersby drop nickels, dimes, and quarters into his upside down baseball cap - the one emblazoned with a picture of a moose and the word, "Wasilla."
Sometimes, I wish that I did not know how to read tracks so well.
Sometimes, the stories are just too heart-breaking.
I saw a boy, walking down the road, leaving his own stories to trail behind him. I moved along, without bothering to read.
Margie and I went out for a drive, but this guy made us stop.
This from India:
I will explain nothing, except to identitfy the location as the temple cut into stone at Mamallapuram. I will leave the larger story to your imagination.
Reader Comments (7)
beautiful photo.
This is only partially about this day's entry, which made me full out laugh. Aw, Bill, it's good to be your sister.
Anyway, happy 30th to Melanie and tell Rex about Kickstarter. It is an online funding site. Rex would submit his proposal with a budget. People go to the site and are invited to go the site to donate. There is a deadline for donations and then the project is funded. Hmmm. Maybe you could use it too.
What a great tale of the tracks!
Still laughing. Thanks Bill!
Great post!
Maybe if he had past through here, Desi and/or Lucy,feral youngsters that recently found our yard, would have followed him to the bright lights of NY. Maybe not. I wonder if they'd be made fun of for their Southern drawl?
We are surrounded by stories. It is good that you have such a keen eye and can tell these ones to us. I see most stories. I would have missed this story of the man with two left feet, his cat and his dog, Wrong Way.
Uncle Bill, there must have been a picture of yours that I took at Mahabalipuram/Mamallapuram. Can you share that with me please.